Fall in Florida- It’s not the Heat, it’s the Hilarity
- Treasure Coast Almanac
- Oct 14, 2024
- 4 min read
'Tis the season Northerners romanticize with visions of crisp air, vibrant foliage, and cozy sweaters. But here in the Sunshine State, things are little different. Due to the nature of the weather, Florida has figured out how to live in denial of the mercury and embrace the pumpkin spiced autumnal spirit full on. Welcome to fall, Florida-style—where it’s not the heat, it’s the hilarity.
“It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”- said every Floridan ever by the beginning of October. We want October to be Fall but, in our hearts, we know it is the unofficial start of algae season (aka swamp season), an inconvenient truth that every homeowner who has ever experienced a clogged AC condensation line, which is pretty much every homeowner, is keenly aware of. Because nothing says Autumn in Florida like wading through puddles in your house while trying to YouTube how to use a shop vac to unclog it. (Helpful hint: duct tape)
Like the rest of the nation, Floridians look forward to pumpkin-everything but with slight alterations, because it’s still 90 degrees every day. Pumpkin Spice Lattes sell like hotcakes, but the iced version. Jack-o-lanterns do get carved but must be kept in the fridge 22.5 hours a day in order to last through Halloween night. Pumpkin patches appear at churches, lodges, and Lowes, all happily propped up on hay bales amid fun decorations but draw worried or sympathetic glances from passersby.
Fall foliage in Florida is, well, green. While northern friends are raking crimson and golden leaves into playful mini mountains, Floridians are still blowing grass clippings as they ramp up the mowing schedule through the rainy season which, regardless of what the internet tells you, does not end in October. The only thing resembling falling leaves at this time of year are palm fronds as they’re hacked off the tops of various sabals by a landscaper with a chainsaw, before storm season begins in earnest.
Apple orchards are a big deal in the north and while those folks may be heading out for a traditional day of apple picking, the entire east coast of Florida is pursuing its own special kind of low-hanging fruit. Thanks to the annual mullet migration, this may be the only time of year when catching a ton of fish is righteously easier than picking an apple.
Fashion gets interesting in the Sunshine State this time of year. The moment the daytime highs fall below 75 degrees is when you learn that UGG boots are as popular with Florida women as they are with any woman, anywhere. Except here they are mostly worn with shorts because that is a thing. Also, what is normally considered “sweater weather” up north is treated as a Polar Vortex here. And, since most men refuse to part with their flip-flops and shorts, it is not uncommon to see guys bundled up in fleece, but only from the waist up, which can be unsettling at first glance. Snowbirds, on the other hand, are perpetually dressed for the beach no matter how chilly it gets, creating a rather entertaining contrast.
It is important to note that anything remotely resembling cold weather causes all indoor public places (grocery stores, restaurants, museums, theatres, etc) to crank the AC down to 55 degrees for the rest of the season. We think this might be part of a conspiracy involving collusion between said public places and apparel retailers.
Halloween in the tropics is a mixed bag. First, it can be difficult to tell who is in costume due to previously mentioned fashion peculiarities. Scary things include haunted houses with no AC, dodging fire ants while taking the kids trick-or-treating, and spending $28.99 on the last bag of mini-Hershey bars at Publix knowing it stands a good chance of melting in the car before you get home. But the most terrifying thing about October 31st in Florida is that it falls precisely at the height of hurricane season.
On the first day of November, Halloween turns promptly into Christmas. The pumpkin patches morph overnight into festive-looking tree lots and still provoke those same worried glances but for different reasons. Mainly because pumpkins are generally not flammable. But they set up some tree lots in big white tents, which was confusing during COVID because we weren’t sure what was in the tents- could be trees, could be vaccinations. Anyway, the tented tree lots seem insensitive to all those poor pumpkins that baked prematurely in the hot sun and perished on the patch. By the end of the first weekend in November outdoor decorations are up in force and it’s possible to see even the smallest neighborhoods from outer space.
Thanksgiving brings out authentic Florida. Store-bought turkeys, especially the frozen kind, are considered offensive. The only turkey worth eating is a fresh turkey- one that you either ordered from a local farmer for delivery or pickup within 48 hours of its demise or, better yet, went out and hunted yourself. In keeping with the ongoing disrespect for pumpkins, the star of dessert at any holiday meal in Florida is Key Lime pie. Turkey Day also represents the height of a much more welcome season, where the biggest rivalry games in college football take place. Whether you’re a Gator, a Seminole, or a Hurricane, this is likely the topic that will dominate dinner conversation.
By the time Thanksgiving weekend rolls to an end, at least one in ten households is considering getting rid of the real Christmas tree they bought in a big white tent at Lowes because it's now nearly a month old and has become a bona fide fire hazard. That's because one in ten households are transplants from the North, where the thought of putting up a fake tree is as unthinkable as a native Floridian eating a store-bought frozen turkey.
Fall may bring out a bit of Florida quirk but by January, the joke’s on everyone else! We’ll be back to talk about that when the time comes. Stay tuned, stay safe and happy FALL to ALL!